Hari ni aku bangun lambat giler (1145 am).. Mata dah celik, tapi badan taknak bangun.. Tekak terasa amat sakit sekali.. Bukannya tak sihat, tapi aku dah malas nak berhadapan dengan dunia..
Berada di rumah mmg membuatkan aku tenang dan happy.. Talking, laughing, and playing with my best bud a.k.a my lil brother (but he's not lil, he's 14).. haha.. Mmg ko wat aku happy la, Syafiq Chu.. Terima kasih walaupun ak slalu pukul pale ko.. (^_^)
Semalam aku tgok KBS kt ch303 in Astro.. Ade satu rancangan TV ni, talk show.. Peserta2 dikehendaki melengkapkan sajak, bermula dengan 2 ayat yang diberi..
"The ppl I love finally go away from me..
There's no more ppl I could love if you're away from me..."
*sort of*
Then every peserta pun sambung la ikut kreativiti..
Entah kenapa jantung ni rasa macam nak tercabut.. Ak da jnji dgan diri sendiri supaya x lagi ingat2 kat dy.. Tapi entah kenapa, semakin ak cbe avoid, smakin dkat rasa tu dtg.. Even I don't know the precise answer.. Jelingan yang dy lemparkan waktu berselisih td btul2 wat ak sedih.. But promise is promise.. I'm not gonna cry anymore..
Hamzi: Nape la u xleh lupakan die? Me: U ada answer? Why don't u tell me je sbab even I pun xtau nape.. Hamzi: Haish.. Pe la yg ade kat dy tu.. Me: *silent*
Hamzi (my housemate) byk bg nasihat n courage.. Yup, ak admit, Hamzi jauh lebih tabah dari aku.. Kenapa aku yang slalu nampak yakin n bersemangat mampu dikalahkan oleh orang yg I don't think deserve me?
It has been more than months since that incident happened.. N for sure, I feel suffocated living in Puncak.. Kat mane je ak ade, mesti akan terserempak pnye.. Maybe Tuhan nak duga whether I could b strong or not..
Bila fikir2 balik, mana ada anythg special pasal dia..? (Ade kot, tp only for my thought lah kot) Biasa la, kalau dah ske, smuanya indah.. Tapi better we stress at the word suka sbab kalau cinta, teruk la..
"Tuhan, tolonglah aku dalam usaha untuk melupakan dirinya.. Aku insan yang lemah, Ya Allah..."
Sometimes I even wished that aku hilang ingatan ke, atau kena pergi jauh ke.. Baru lepas kot seksaan ni.. Hmm..
dah lama aku tidak meng'update' blog.. asyik baca blog orang je.. bukannya apa. sem 3 kali ni lebih susah dari yang dijangka.. paling memeningkan kepala = TAX.. haissh.. byk sgt benda n tips yang nak kne hafal..
aku rasa rimas + lemas = suffocated walaupun Allah masih berbaik hati dengan memberikan aku bekalan oksigen yang tidak putus2.. Alhamdulillah..
"Chu, jgnlah mcm ni Chu.. Ko kne buang fikiran tu jauh2.." Thanks kat Amir Zakuwan sebab selalu pujuk aku bila aku sedih (ttbe diam dan termenung jauh)..
Sory Am, ak selalu marah2 ko psl study, slalu igtkan ko utk asingkan study n leisure.. tp aku sendiripun tak boleh nak asingkan hal study dan perasaan.. Ya, aku insan yang paling LEMAH.. Mudah ditewaskan kata2..
"You know what, Chu.. Your main problem is ko terlalu care psl org.." Aku tersentak bila Am ckp mcm tu.. Aku bukan nak mengongkong atau jadi busy body of sape2.. aku cuma nak yang terbaik for my friends.. for me, ape yg penting is my friends around me dpt apa yg diorg nak, n if aku boleh tolong, why not aku offer utk tlg dorg?
"You act more than your age.." Thanks Iffa for saying this. Am I being so old by soul yet young physically? Yup, maybe I do nag sometimes, n I do PMS also.. But besides being a caring person, one need to have his/her downs, aite?
N semester ni, aku sgt kurang berckp dengan Hazuan Hamdan (my bestie for 1 yr).. Kitorg dah xduduk same2 dlm klas lg.. Motifnye ialah, bila sorg mengarut, yg sorg lg mesti sambung, then melarat2.. haha.. so evrytime before kitorg duduk seblah2, warning diri masing2 dlu.. tp, mcm biasalah, mne leh kawal sme tu.. haha.. Rindu giler kat Hazu sbb dah kurg ckp2.. tp InsyaAllah, persahabatn kitorg kekal smpi mati.. (Kitorg dah jnji nak masuk Amazing Race one day)
N nak jugak ucap rindu pada housemate xjadi sem 3..
Sory sbab jrg pegi umah korg.. Klu boleh, hari2 nak lepak n tidur dlm bilik Ijat, leh ngumpat2, leh borak2 smpi dgar azan Subuh, baru nak g tdo.. Haha.. Then nak jugak share2 ramen or sushi lg ke? Aku just nak say thank you kat korg sme, eventho kite xjadi nak berhousemate, tp aku aggp korg antara manusia terapat skali kat Puncak ni..
N if rumah kitorg berpecah lagi hujung sem ni, dun worry, ak xkan mintak a place for me in there.. Tp maybe Am deserve one place there, aite? Sorry for taking him from you guyz.. No intention.. Tempat untuk aku.. Urm nanti2 lah..
And for someone out there (Wondering if he ever reads this) Thanks for keeping it a secret, and I can see that you're happy living your life.. Good for me also.. It's hard for us to be good friends like before, n yeah, I know it is my fault.. Only God knows how long i've been thinking for this.. Maybe we should just forget it and be like before.. Such an awkward feeling to see you, even for once a week.. (Have been trying to run from you lately).. Just be cool n treat me like usual, bcoz im trying also.. The more you ignore (stop me or do faces or whatever), i'll be extremely sad and live my life with tears.. again.. You surely got no idea how much i've been crying bout this.. n please.. stop me from more and more tears.. It kills me inside.. hoping that we could make it through (crossing fingers)
At first, I was struggling in convincing myself to watch this movie. Some of my friends said it's a very good movie, 7 out of 10, sort of.. And after watching it, I could say that this movie makes me a lot more stronger..
I'd finally reimbursed my mind with a lot of new things, like do not be too overwhelmed in looking for love.. Love comes naturally, so by seeking for love wouldn't actually yield us any benefits in return. Nonetheless, we keep going on and on looking for something that I can say, do not reach it's maturity period yet. Yeah. Why would I think of a person who is completely clueless what is lingering in my mind? Geez.
My favourite quote :
If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit... No exceptions..
So, rather than wasting our energy soul thinking of that person, who in return think none of ourselves, we better be relaxed and let the love comes by, through the flow. There's no need to rush. *signing off*
Intersession was really hard at first. Hot weather, a great distance between SAAS n college, a room at 6th level, haunted-look bed n closet, n what else..?
N yeah.. A total different class for me..
I wonder why I was placed in B at first.. Nor that I've dreamt of joining any class other than D.
Sorry for not uploading these earlier. I don’t know. Suddenly I feel like I need to write something in English. Whenever I feel like killing somebody or crying of something, I’ll try to express my feelings in English. Just that I don’t know to whom I’m gonna talk to, or even look at when my heart feels uneasy.
These days, all the things which happened have taught me lots of important values in a relationship which all human beings need to have; friendship. I finally get to understand that friendship and love is something that we cannot work out for any comparison. Love, is something that we’ll prefer to end when we found out that there’s no way in solving problems. Friendships, on the other hand, will try to assist us in any way in solving complex problems.
Sometimes, I can’t even understand why, when and how love can destroy friendships. During this semester alone, I’ve been destroying my own friendships twice just for one reason; unrequited love. Love will be much painful if it is unrequited – everybody knows that.Even though sometimes we know that by doing love confessions, it may cause a sense of ‘awkwardness’ between two parties: the one who confessed and the one who received the confession.
In highlights, there are only two end situations after friends fail to be lovers.
-They feel extremely awkward and decide to not talk to each other comfortably. Slowly, the friendship will start to fade off.
-They try to forget everything and assume that the confession never happens. They will end up showinghypocrisy in their eyes and the hypocrisy will fade. They are back as friends again.
The second one, however, deals with great pain and triumph. That’s why the number one, on the other hand, happens in major cases.
As for me, I ended up being in the first case. Yup, sometimes I miss her damn much. I even regret telling her about my feelings. And after seeing what have happened, I put a thought of having her as my friend again deep inside me. The progress? 0%. That’s all I can say. I feel so pathetic of myself.
I just wanna say something to her, only one thing : ‘It’s okay that you’ve rejected me, but please don’t stay away from me. It only made this scar deeper. It’s my fault, I know; but at least give me some space fixing it back.’
